Grief (part 1)

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I haven’t really gotten over mum’s death. Though most people would think otherwise. And that’s the problem, they only see what I want them to see; a strong happy person. Little do they know that this strong happy person is actually broken and crushed inside, who turns her face to the wall every night and cries silently. She who grieves in silent anguish even when she smiles.

I thought I would be fine in a month’s time. Knowing that with all the pain and sufferings mum went through, her going would be a relief. But it seems that as the days got further away from the day she departed this life the tougher it became, having to cope with her absence. Every familiar thing became unfamiliar, everything of her brought back memories of her. Painful memories. I felt I’ve been robbed off a precious jewelry, a diamond, taken off me. She was taken unfairly early. And she left with a part of me.

This grieving, though no one knows gets me thinking about her everyday, dreaming about her and crying to sleep over her…

I miss her

 

Heartbreaking Moments

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My world keeps falling apart
Every time I thought I’ve rebuilt it
Over thinking definitely kills
Gradually over time
Migraine of my mind
That seems to never end
Having to feel your heart literally
Breaking, shattering, collapsing
The pain inside, is intense
Its like there’s an erosion of the heart
Wearing away, tearing away
Eventually into nothingness.

Silent Musings

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Life really has its difficulties
At this point
When you’re crazily
Head over heels
Over this one person
But you know he’s unavailable
Entirely way out of your league
Cos he’s too significant
And its unlike a crush
You’d have for a star
Cos he’s more than a star
He’s a friend
A contact
You know him
He knows you
But you can’t say a word
Tell him how you feel
Cos he’s that important
Your worlds don’t mix
Just too impossible
So you research him
Find anything against him
To squash that infatuation
Anything to make these feelings
Disappear
But the more you delve
The more you fall into
This abyss of love
And everyday
You sit by the phone
Hoping
Wishing
He’d holler
Just so you’d connect
But there are times
He’s way too busy
Important things to do
That don’t involve you
Things for the good of men
A good heart
A gentle heart
He belongs to everyone
That’s why its better
To stay away
Out of reach
Out of touch
To muse silently
Loving him from a distance
Is all I can do